i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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