So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize