He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
