i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
