Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
