maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
