So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize