There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
