We're facebook friends in real life
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
