Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
