please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Small penises have feelings too.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
