Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yo dont text me then not text me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
