You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
