I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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