Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
