I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Randomize
