Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
