We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
