Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
