yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
