I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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