No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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