Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
