She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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