I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
