guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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