Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
