a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
