the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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