I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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