I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
3 2 1 whiskey
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize