So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
