The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
