were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
