I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
