yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
