You're my little dorito
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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