dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
