Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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