I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
