anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
