You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
