first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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