Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
