3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
