I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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