AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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