Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
