What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
