nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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