It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
