Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
