no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
