love makes seman taste better
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
