About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
