she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
