Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
