We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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