ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
