would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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