That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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