they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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