i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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