you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
