I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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