dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
