ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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