If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
