If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
