Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
