He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
