It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
