one might say we're banned from that church
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
