I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
