did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
